Funky Finishers

Since Light travels faster than Sound --- people appear brighter before you hear them speak.


Never argue with a fool.People might not know the difference.


Do ten millipedes equal one centipede?


A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.


Heads you lose.Tails I win.


Im 98% always right.Who cares the crap about the other 3%?


I bet you I could stop gambling.

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."


"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."


"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."


"If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life."


"Ninety percent of the game is half mental."


"I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!" -Homer J. Simpson Short


"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."


"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."


"I can resist everything except temptation."


"To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I've done it a thousand times."


"Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand."


"If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough."


"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"


"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."


"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."


"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."


"Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film."


"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."


"There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't"